Episode 42 - Why Your Phone Feels So Hard to Put Down (And 5 Simple Ways to Take Back Control)

Welcome to Episode 42 of the Time for Living Podcast!

TRANSCRIPT

show notes

Does your phone feel impossible to put down, even when you know it's pulling you away from what matters most? If you're a high-achieving woman who finds herself reaching for her phone without thinking, constantly interrupted, and struggling to find deep focus time, this episode reveals why this happens and gives you a proven framework to take back control of your attention.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why we reach for our phones as emotional escape and "me time"

• The RESET method: 5 strategic steps to use your phone more intentionally

• How to create phone-free zones and power hours that actually stick

• The one simple evening change that transforms your mornings and evenings

By the end of this episode, you'll understand both the external and internal reasons you reach for your phone, plus have a clear 5-step framework to be more intentional with your attention and time.

Free Resource:

Grab your Hidden Time Finder - 21 ways busy women lose hours daily and quick fixes to stop them timeforliving.co/timefinder

Join my email list at timeforliving.co for weekly quick-win tips, exclusive resources, and a supportive community of ambitious women who get it.

READY FOR MORE:

Join the waitlist for The Time Aligned Blueprint - my 5-week program that takes you from scattered and reactive to systematically aligned across all areas of life. timeforliving.co/tab

Let’s Connect:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timeforlivingco/

Final Thought:

You deserve to feel deliberate about your choices and excited about where they're leading you. Start tonight by moving that phone charger to another room.

TRANSCRIPT - Why Your Phone Feels So Hard to Put Down (And 5 Simple Ways to Take Back Control)

IntroductioN

Hey there, ambitious woman. I need to start today's episode with something that's been on my mind lately, and I have a feeling you might relate to this too.

Right now, as you're listening to this, I want you to think about where your phone is. Is it within arm's reach? Yeah, I thought so. Mine is too, and honestly, that's become such a normal part of our lives that we don't even think about it anymore.

But here's what I've been noticing, and maybe you have too, our phones have become this constant companion that we reach for without even thinking about it.

Last Tuesday, I was on a Zoom call with one of my clients. Amazing woman, crushing it in her career, but she's been trying to launch her consulting business for two years. TWO YEARS. She's got the skills, the experience, the network – everything she needs to succeed. But she can't seem to find the focused time to build it.

Whilst we were talking about her business plan, her phone lights up with a notification. Not a call, not a text – just a notification. And I watched this incredibly successful woman, someone who manages big campaigns – immediately lose her train of thought and reach for her phone like it was pulling her by invisible strings.

She caught herself halfway there, laughed, and said, "I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help myself sometimes."

And that got me thinking. Here's this incredibly capable woman who makes strategic decisions all day long, but when it comes to her phone, she feels like she's not in control. And honestly? I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling.

If you're a high-achieving professional woman who sometimes feels like you're constantly interrupted, or you have trouble finding those deep focus periods you need to work on your bigger goals, this episode might give you some helpful perspective.

Because what I want to talk about today isn't about demonizing technology. It's about understanding how our devices are designed to capture our attention, why we're often so ready to give that attention away, and most importantly, how we can be more intentional about when and how we use them

The Dopamine Effect

Let me share some research that I found pretty interesting. The average person picks up their phone 96 times per day. That's once every 10 minutes during waking hours. And here's what's happening, you make thousands of decisions every day, and all those phone interruptions can really drain your mental energy.

But here's the part that I think is worth understanding. Every time you get a notification, your brain releases a small amount of dopamine. It's the same neurotransmitter that's involved in other rewarding activities. So there's actually a biological reason why checking your phone can feel satisfying in the moment.

Now, the tech companies do understand behavioural psychology pretty well. They use techniques like variable rewards, you know, sometimes you get something interesting when you check your phone, sometimes you don't. It's similar to what keeps people engaged with slot machines, that unpredictability can be compelling.

Think about features like Instagram's pull-to-refresh. You pull down, you wait, and sometimes there's new content, sometimes there isn't. That uncertainty can keep you coming back to check again.

And notification systems are designed to grab your attention throughout the day. Psychologists call this "continuous partial attention", where part of your mind is always kind of waiting for the next notification.

The thing is, tech companies have a lot of data about when people are most likely to engage with their apps. They know when you typically check your phone, what kinds of notifications you respond to, and when you're most likely to scroll. It's not personal, it's just good business for them to keep you engaged with their platforms. But here's what I think is even more important to understand, while tech companies are really good at capturing our attention, we also have to look at why we're so ready to give it to them in the first place.

Why We Reach for Our Phone

It’s what I've been thinking a lot about lately, and I'm curious if this resonates with you. Sometimes our phone isn't just a distraction, it's actually helping us avoid something we don't want to face.

Think about those evenings when you find yourself scrolling and scrolling, even though nothing particularly interesting is happening on your feed. What were you doing right before you picked up your phone? Were you sitting with a difficult emotion? Avoiding a conversation you need to have? Putting off thinking about a big decision?

I've noticed this pattern with so many of my clients, and honestly, with myself too. We may reach for our phones when we're feeling lonely and don't want to sit with that loneliness. Or we scroll when we're anxious about something at work instead of dealing with whatever's making us anxious. We check Instagram when we're bored because boredom can actually feel uncomfortable, like we should be doing something productive or meaningful.

And here's one that I think will really resonate with many of you, sometimes we reach for our phone because it feels like the only thing we're doing just for ourselves. After a long day of giving to your kids, your work, handling life admin, managing everyone else's needs, scrolling can feel like your one little act of self-care. It's easy, it's immediate, and it's yours.

And here's the thing, this isn't bad or wrong. It's completely human. Sometimes we need a mental break. Sometimes we're not ready to process difficult feelings. And sometimes we genuinely do need a moment that's just for us. But when our phone becomes our go-to escape from anything uncomfortable, or our only form of "me time," we might be missing opportunities to understand ourselves better or to find more fulfilling ways to recharge.

Have you ever noticed that the more stressed or overwhelmed you are, the more you tend to reach for your phone? Or that when you're putting off a difficult project, suddenly everyone's social media becomes fascinating?

This is what I mean when I say our phones can become a way to avoid the bigger questions in our lives. Questions like: Am I happy with how I'm spending my time? What do I really want to be working toward? Why do I feel so restless or unsatisfied even when everything looks good on paper? What would actually help me feel recharged and cared for?

So when we understand these patterns, both the external design and our internal motivations, we can start to see why phone interruptions feel so compelling in the moment, even when they're working against our bigger goals.

RESET Framework

Now that we understand both how our phones are designed to capture our attention AND why we're often so ready to give it to them, let me share a framework that can help you be more intentional with your phone use. I call it the RESET method, and it's designed for busy professional women who need their devices for work but want to use them more purposefully.

This framework addresses both sides of the equation, the external triggers from your phone and the internal triggers from your emotions and avoidance patterns.

R is for Recognize Your Triggers

First, it helps to understand your personal phone habits. For the next few days, just notice when you reach for your phone without really thinking about it. What were you doing right before? What were you feeling?

One of my clients realized she wasn't actually addicted to her phone, she was using it to avoid the momentary discomfort of not knowing what to do next. Every time she finished a task, instead of pausing to think about what came next, she'd automatically reach for her phone.

So here's a simple strategy: if you know what you need to do next, you're less likely to reach for your phone out of boredom or uncertainty. Try keeping a running list of your next actions, or take a moment at the end of each task to decide what comes next before you close your laptop or put down your pen.

E is for Environment Design

Your physical environment has a big impact on your habits. If your phone is next to your bed, you're probably going to check it first thing in the morning. If it's on your desk during focused work time, you might reach for it when tasks get challenging.

Consider creating some phone-free zones in your life. Maybe your bedroom, your dining table, or your main work area. You might want to get a regular alarm clock and use a paper notebook for meetings. Try charging your phone in another room overnight, that one change can make a real difference.

Here's another helpful tip: create a dedicated spot in your home where your phone lives when you're not actively using it. Maybe it's a charging station in your kitchen or a basket by your front door. Having that designated spot can stop you from carrying it around the house and reaching for it mindlessly.

S is for Strategic Notifications

This one can make a huge difference. Consider turning off notifications for apps that aren't truly urgent. Social media, news apps, shopping apps, do you really need to know the moment someone likes your photo or when there's a sale at your favorite store?

And here's a pro tip: each time you download a new app, make sure you don't automatically accept the notification settings. Most apps will ask if you want notifications turned on, just say no by default. You can always turn them on later if you find you actually need them.

Also consider doing a little spring cleaning on your phone. Delete apps you don't really use anymore. The fewer apps you have, the fewer potential distractions are sitting in your pocket.

E is for Establish Phone-Free Power Hours

Try setting aside specific times when your phone is out of reach, maybe just start with 30 minutes to an hour. Use this time for your most important work, the projects that really matter to you.

This isn't about being productive just to be productive. It's about creating space for the kind of deep thinking that helps you make progress on your bigger goals.

Here's something that can really help: communicate with your friends, loved ones, and colleagues that during certain hours, you're not available for non-urgent matters. You can even set your phone to show that you're in Do Not Disturb mode when people text you, so they know you're intentionally offline and not just ignoring them.

T is for Time Audit Reality Check

Most phones have built-in screen time tracking. It can be eye-opening to see how much time you're actually spending on your device. Many people are surprised to discover they're spending 3-4 hours a day on their phones. That's significant time that could be invested in other areas of your life if you wanted to redirect some of it.

Don't just check this once and forget about it. Keep monitoring your screen time regularly, maybe even add it to your habit tracker if you use one. There's truth to the saying that "what gets tracked gets changed." When you're aware of your patterns, you're more likely to make intentional choices about them.

The key is to implement these changes gradually and with self-compassion. Pick one element that feels most manageable right now and commit to trying it for a full week. Don't try to overhaul everything at once, that's a recipe for giving up after a few days.

Think of this like building any new habit. Start small, be consistent, and be patient with yourself when you slip up. Because you will slip up, and that's completely normal. The goal isn't perfection, it's progress toward being more intentional with one of your most valuable resources: your attention.

Action Takers

Here's a simple challenge I'd love for you to try. Tonight, before you go to bed, move your phone charger to a different room. Not next to your bed, not in your bedroom at all. This one change can really improve your mornings and evenings.

Instead of automatically reaching for your phone when you wake up, you'll have a few minutes to think about your day ahead. Instead of scrolling before bed, you might read a book, have a conversation, or just get better sleep.

Here's what one of my clients told me after trying this: "I realized I'd been starting every day in reactive mode, reading other people's posts and messages before I even thought about my own priorities. Now I wake up and think about MY day first. It feels so much better."

Now, I know some of you might be thinking, "But what if there's an emergency?" And that's a fair concern. Here's what I'd suggest, you can always make sure the people who might truly need to reach you in an emergency, like your family or close friends, know they can call you directly. Phone calls usually go through even when other notifications are turned off.

Often what we're really worried about is missing out on something or not being immediately available to respond to every message. But here's something to consider: your value isn't determined by how quickly you respond to every notification.

Now, let me tell you about something I've been working on because I know you're thinking, "This all sounds great, but where do I even start?" I've been obsessing over this question for months, and I've been developing something specifically for high-achieving women who are tired of feeling scattered and want to reclaim control over their time and attention.

It's called The Time Aligned Blueprint, and it's a 5-week program that takes you from scattered and reactive to systematically aligned across all areas of your life. We're talking about emergency time recovery in week one where you reclaim 5-10 hours immediately, then energy optimization, building systems that scale, mastering delegation, and finally creating your complete time-aligned life design.

The goal is simple: your time finally serves your priorities instead of everyone else's demands. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in, you can join the waitlist for details about the next cohort. I'll put that link in the show notes.

And if you want to get started right away while you're waiting for the next cohort, I have something you can dive into immediately. It's called the Hidden Time Finder, and it's a strategic audit that reveals 21 specific ways busy women lose hours daily without even realizing it.

Like the five minutes you spend every morning hunting for something, like your keys that adds up to 30 hours a year. Or the mental energy you waste deciding what to wear each day that could be eliminated with one simple system. Or the way you're checking email at random times throughout the day instead of batching it strategically.

This guide shows you exactly where to reclaim those lost hours in your existing routine so you can create space for what truly matters without adding more to your already full plate. You can grab your copy completely free at timeforliving.co/timefinder. I'll put the link in the show notes.

Here's what I want you to remember as we wrap up. Your phone is a tool, a really useful one, but the way many apps are designed can work against your ability to focus on what's most important to you.

Every time you choose to be intentional about when and how you use your phone, you're making a statement about what matters to you. You're choosing to be present for the moments and projects that are meaningful to you.

Building something significant, whether it's a career goal, a creative project, or stronger relationships, requires periods of focused attention. And that's harder to achieve when you're constantly responding to digital interruptions.

So try moving that phone charger tonight. Download your Hidden Time Finder if you want more strategies. And remember, small, intentional changes in how you manage your attention can make a real difference in how you spend your time.

You deserve to feel deliberate about your choices and excited about where they're leading you. You deserve to make progress on the things that matter most to you.

I'll see you next week for another episode of Time For Living. Until then, be intentional with your time and your attention.